High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
