His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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