Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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