weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
