you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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