I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
