if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there is glitter all over my balls
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
