can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
