It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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