I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
