i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
