This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
