You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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