After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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