The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
