she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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