In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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