we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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