i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
