The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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