My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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