Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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