wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
