i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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