My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
