Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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