I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
