dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
