So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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