and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
