Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
