Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
