So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
