God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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