it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
