Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
