i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
