you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
