the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
