I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
