I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
