Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
