I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
