The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Small penises have feelings too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
