Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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