Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
