My friends, they love my intelligence
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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