Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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