if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
