WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
