And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
