if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
