I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
