just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
