cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
