I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
