Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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