I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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