How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
