Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
