Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just google imaged poop.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize