508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
