My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
