He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
