he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
