Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
