i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize