I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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