yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize