Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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