I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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