addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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