I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
